“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
– Buddha (attributed)

It’s not easy to point the finger at yourself.

When things go wrong, our instinct is often to point outward—at other people or our circumstances.

I’ve done it more times than I can count. But as I reflect now, one story stands out.

A few years ago, I was dealing with someone who, in my mind, was being incredibly difficult.

Every interaction left me frustrated, angry and drained. I kept telling myself, “If they would just change, everything would be easier”.

Then I caught myself telling that story.

It’s true their behaviour wasn’t pleasant, but the real problem wasn’t them. It was me and how I was reacting. I was handing over my peace of mind by letting their behaviour control my emotions.

Here’s what I learned:

I had to take responsibility for how I was showing up. When I stopped focusing on them and instead focused on clearing myself—becoming calm, centred, and in control—the situation began to shift. Not because they changed, but because I did.

And here’s the harsh truth: At some point, you’ve probably been a difficult person to someone else.

It happens to all of us. We don’t mean to be, but it’s part of being human. We all have different perspectives, and these perspectives inevitably bounce up against each other.

Some questions for reflection this week:

• Is there someone in your life right now who feels like a problem?
• How might your experience change if you focused on how you respond, instead of holding onto your negative emotions or waiting for them to change?
• How can you positively re-frame your interaction with them? Even our ‘enemies’ have something to teach us, if we’re open…

This approach isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most freeing things you can do.

Peace of mind doesn’t come from controlling others—it comes from mastering yourself. And when you change the tune inside you, the music usually rubs off on those around you.

Best,

Shane

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